I got an email invite to join a call at 9 am on a Tuesday.

“We’ve decided to end the engagement,” the founder said. Very calm and, in fact, very matter-of-fact. As if cancelling a Netflix subscription, instead of a culture contract.

A team member was on the call too, who I’d been working closely with, and she looked as shocked as I felt. They clearly hadn’t known this was coming. Neither did I. Or was I just telling myself that?

We’d been working together for half the year and were making great strides. Brand interviews complete. Plans in place. Starting to look at how recruitment was working, including how to attract the right talent. Training sessions were planned and a workshop was scheduled for the next week.

And just like that, it was done.

I sat there trying to make sense of it. What had I missed? Where did this go wrong?

Then I realised: I’d seen it coming. I just hadn’t wanted to admit it.

The red flags I ignored

Here is the uncomfortable truth. I knew this wasn’t going to work, not deep down where it mattered.

The signs were all there from the start.

Only the founder gave feedback. Every debrief, discussion and decision went through one person. I kept asking to hear from the wider team. I was told they would. They never did. I’ve worked with founders who like to keep their finger on the pulse and fair enough, but this felt different.

The framework and plan never got moving. We would agree on a direction, then the input and ideas would start to reshape and control the process.

Integrity got questioned. Loudly at times, but with a joke and a smile. Even in emails, comments appeared like, “I’m not convinced you understand us.” Enough to plant doubt. Enough to make me work harder to prove myself, going beyond the agreed time.

Promises got broken. We agreed to share the findings with the business, warts and all. When the moment came: “Actually, we need to change it all first. Then maybe, maybe we’ll share.”

I should have paused right there. Should have said: “This isn’t working. Let’s talk about what’s really going on.”

But I didn’t.

Why. Because I could see the potential. A lovely team at every level. Meaningful work. An aspiration I genuinely believed in.

So I told myself it would get better. That once we got into the real work, the resistance would ease.

I was wrong.

What I saw but didn’t name

During one of our early sessions, the founder made a joke at someone’s expense. It was sharp. A bit mean. The kind of comment that lands the wrong way.

Everyone laughed. But it was that uncomfortable laugh. The “I’m laughing because I don’t know what else to do” laugh.

I noticed it. Felt it. But I didn’t call it out.

That is the thing about cultural work. The truth lives in the small, subtle interactions. The tone. The body language. Who speaks and who stays quiet. Who gets challenged and who gets a pass.

I knew something was off. I let it slide because I wanted the work to succeed.

When it ended

After that 9am call, I sat with it for days. Trying to understand what had happened.

The founder said some wild stuff that boiled down to this: once you removed the personal bits, they needed something different.

But here is what really happened.

They weren’t ready for cultural work. Not because they lacked ambition or vision. They had a successful business.

But true culture work requires something most founders find terrifying. Letting go of control. Hearing things you don’t want to hear. Admitting when behaviour doesn’t match values. Trusting your people to shape the process with you.

I might be wrong, but I don’t think the founder was ready for that. And I should have seen it sooner.

The grief and the growth

It knocked me for six. Honestly.

I replayed conversations. Wondered what I’d done wrong. Questioned my judgment. My approach. My work. Of course, there were things I could have done better, we all think that when we reflect.

I reached out to other clients and they were shocked. “That’s not you,” they said. “That’s not how you work.”

And slowly it became clear. This wasn’t about competence. This was about readiness.

You cannot force readiness. You can only recognise it and walk away.

What I look for now

Before I work with a client, I look for three things:

1. Can I meet the team and the founder together? If I can only access people through the founder, that is a red flag. Cultural work requires more than one voice.
2. How do people interact? I watch how the founder speaks to their team. Do they listen or wait to talk. When someone disagrees, what happens next? The small moments tell the truth.
3. Is the founder willing to be challenged? If they are defensive or resistant to hearing honest feedback, the work will not stick.

The real lesson

Not every client is your client. Some organisations are not ready. Some founders cannot let go. Some cultures need wholesale leadership change before anything else.

And that is okay, it is, really.

My job is not to force change. My job is to work with people who are genuinely ready for the journey.

Because cultural work is not about perfection, it’s about the messy, honest, shared experience.

When that foundation is not there, no strategy in the world will save it.

Looking back through the 4Cs

Looking back through the 4Cs, the gap wasn’t in Character, Customer or Category. It was Culture. And Culture always starts with leadership readiness.

What this taught me, and maybe you too

1. If the leader is not ready, the work will not stick, no matter how good you are.
2. Your instincts are part of the toolkit. Trust them.
3. Culture reveals itself in the wee moments. That is where you see the truth.
4. It is absolutely okay to say, “Good luck… but I’m out.” Walking away can be the most aligned move you make.
5. If you find yourself coming home moaning to your partner or loved one, something is already off. Listen to that.

Top 5 things leaders can take from this

1. Culture starts with you, not the consultant. You can hire brilliant folk, but if you aren’t ready to hear the truth, nothing will stick.
2. Control kills culture. When everything goes through one voice, people stop sharing what matters.
3. Your behaviour is the culture. A sharp joke, a dismissive comment or a broken promise says more than any values deck.
4. If you can’t be challenged, neither can your team. Healthy challenge is how teams grow. Shut it down and growth stops with it.
5. Walking away is sometimes leadership too. Resetting, rethinking or releasing something can be the most aligned decision you make.

The honest bit

Here is the honest bit. Life is about learning. It can be messy and uncomfortable at times, but that is how we grow. And growth only happens when we’re willing to share both the wins and the failures.

So here is my question for you. How has a failure set you up for future growth or success?

For leaders, here’s how you can fix a toxic culture.